the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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