I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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