loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
