I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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