i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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