Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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