is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
