Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize