Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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