So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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