Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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