you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
