She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
