Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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