I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
