Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
