I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
