I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
