He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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