the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
