So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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