Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
