If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
