I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
