Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im drinking this country out of the recession.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
