Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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