My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
