If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
