You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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