at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
