ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
