dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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