I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
