His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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