he thought i was a dude.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
