oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She is in my trunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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