I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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