i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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