escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
