Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
