Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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