SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
