Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
