I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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