from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
