a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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