the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
