He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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