He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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