I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
