; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
