Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
