the condom got lost in my hair
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
