I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My life is pants optional.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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