Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
