Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
