So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
