Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
