Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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