i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got inside last night via doggy door
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
