never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize