I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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