I just threw up on my dentist
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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