$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
