You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
