My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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