So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
