If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
