What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
