Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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