just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
